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Joke of the Day

"What do choosy moms choose? abortion."

"Just got out of the shower and lotioned up Unfortunately I'm not a chick so this won't get 624 faves"

"Why did the horse miss the joust? He had the knight off!"

"My wife set a limit on how much we can spend on each other for Christmas. It's $100 on me and $500 on her."

"The Shawshank Redemption but it's just me tunneling from my office to the break room so I don't have to talk to my boss."

"Why did all the girls fall in love with the leafy green-blood-sucking-parasite that was full of vitamins? Because he was romaine-tick."

"Ever seen a horse with a carrot on a stick dangling over its head? Last night on the treadmill's TV, I saw an ad for Kentucky Fried Chicken."

"I know you've been here. I can smell you, still taste you on my lips. I crave more, but it's over now. Also, you're a donut. And I ate you."

"I only learned Roman numerals so I can be damn sure which Rocky I'm about to watch."

"What does Michael Jackson and an xbox have in common? They are both made of plastic and get turned on by children!"