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Joke of the Day

"hey atheists: if God isn't real then who did I just give my credit card information to over the phone?"

"The ""oops, wrong hole"" excuse doesn't work when she catches you with her best friend."

"Do not fap on a plane.. Unless you enjoy hijacking"

"Did you hear that the guys from ""The Expendables"" are doing a movie about classical composers? Arnold Schwarzenegger has already signed up, and said ""I'll be Bach."""

"What do you get when you mix clickbait and major disappointment?"

"When playing The Telephone Game, I like to whisper to the next person, ""I'm going to kill you,"" and then nod and smile encouragingly."

"professor gave us a 2000 word essay... So I gave him two pictures."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Bibi ! Bibi who ? Bibi Bibi Bunting ... !"

"Me: Please can you get my iPad in the lounge? 5yr: I think you should poo without it. I just play with my fingers and sing and stuff..."

"Hello police? Please send an officer over to 324 London Road right away! Sorry this isn't the police station. It's the Delicatessen. Oh. Well in that case please send over a pastrami sandwich!"