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Joke of the Day

"Baby elephants migrate hundreds of miles to find water. My 6 year old is lying on the floor of the mall because I made him walk from the car"

"What do you call a person from South America with a walking assist? Mexicane."

"Where does Putin negotiate? The Crimea River"

"Let me think of a joke... Well, I would've told you a joke about my dick, but it's too long."

"Girl, are you these plates I recently bought from Wal-Mart? Because I just learned that you're not microwave-safe."

"Mom. Dad. I like my coffee like I like my women. I don't like coffee. I'm gay."

"Don't open a store on Mt. Everest You'd be surprised how quickly things go downhill from there..."

"A lady happily tells her husband, holding a testpack result. ""Darling, I'm pregnant!"" Tears running the husband's eyes, he says ""Hi pregnant, I'm dad"""

"I like Viagra so much... I literally have a hard on for it."

"Taxidermist's Wife: Whatcha thinkin' about? Taxidermist: Stuff."