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Joke of the Day

"Quickest way to offend a Jew you tell them Noweh!"

"HER: You almost ready to go to my mothers? ME: *looking out window wondering if the jump will only break a leg & not kill me* Be right down."

"Hey middle-aged people who suddenly change your first name--screw you. I'm calling you what I've been calling you for the last 10 years."

"Maybe we should put Obama on the $20 bill Then we would finally get the change he promised."

"Teacher: In music if ""f"" means ""forte"" what does ""ff"" mean ? Pupil: Eighty"

"""this has never happened before"" is that a yes or no? ""let me check"" [talks into radio] ""steve can we let a dog on the rollercoaster?"""

"*hands you baby* Here's your Christmas present I got it at the mall but it didn't come with a gift receipt & people may be looking for it."

"What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad."

"If Christians made a movie about church attendance, what would they call it? Exodus"

"[God creating beards] ADAM: God, I don't like my face. GOD: Tell ya what, buddy: I'll cover it in pubes. ADAM: What? That's not GOD: Done."