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Joke of the Day

"I'm a die hard Bruce Willis fan."

"""Parodies"" or homages or whatever the fuck they are of the ""Got milk?"" ads are worse than AIDS + 9/11 + a 3rd thing you personally hate."

"The nice thing is that now that Ricky Martin has come out of the closet there's enough room for Ryan Seacrest to stretch his legs in there."

"What does former Vice President Gore play on the guitar? An algorithm"

"What's the difference between an optimist and a pessimist? One sees a glass half full, the other doesn't care because the glass is going to fall and break anyways."

"will you marry me? no, marry Christmas!"

"Classic How do you make a Ice Cream man sad? - - - - - - Kill his family."

"What did Einstein's dad say when he published his theory of relativity? Damn, son. It's about time!"

"Did you hear about the woman who got Alzheimer's after removing her breasts? She lost her mammaries"

"[ This one from the great /u/KingOfRibbles ] ""My sink was a bit dirty-"" ""-but all it needed was a little ...wiping!!!"""