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Joke of the Day

"What does a lawyer and a prostitute have in common? They both fuck you for your money."

"Uuhhhhckkk. Pants are the worst."

"What did the Mexican kid get for his birthday? My bike :("

"Dear Kanye West, Take the diaper off your daughter and put it around your face. A lot of crap has been coming from it lately"

"Why did the plumber cry? His family died."

"July 4th is Independence day. And the day Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence? i think not."

"I've just written a song about tortillas - actually, it's more of a rap."

"What's the best thing about fucking twenty eight year olds? There's twenty of 'em!"

"How many Astros fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Both of them."

"Accidentally ate a ball of wasabi the size of a marble and now I can smell math"