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Joke of the Day

"What do women and bass guitars have in common? You have to slap them for people to think you're a good player"

"WIFE: no no no I loved your vows I just thought you could've used the word 'bloodthirsty' a little less"

"Do you know why police dogs are called the K-9? Because if it were called the K-10, they would be police cats"

"I still not comfortable with how we spell coffee."

"""I'll have the Anti-sleeping Prescription"" ""Sir, those are kids"" ""Gimme two"""

"When I asked my friend how he's doing, he said ""man, I'm just happy to be breathing"". I told him he should have bigger aspirations."

"How do German bread greet each other? Gluten tag!"

"Why did Sally fall off the Swing?? Because She had no arms...... Knock Knock Who's There?? Not Sally........"

"Thought I saw a walking burrito but it was just a pug in a raincoat."

"Diarrhea is hereditary.. It runs in your jeans."