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Joke of the Day

"Are you free on saturday? Of course im free im AMERICAN!"

"What happens to grapes when you step on them? They wine."

"eBay's search feature can be so useless sometimes and other times be equally worthless with overkill. I tried to look up cigarette lighters and they had 13,749 matches."

"[Hot Wheels cars zooming through entire house] ""I SWEAR TO GOD KAREN IF YOU DISCONNECT ANY PART OF THIS TRACK I'M DIVORCING YOU"""

"If God is a woman then how do you explain: 1) Spiders 2) Shoes you can't afford 3) Periods 4) Men"

"Q: What did the finger say to the thumb? A: I'm in glove with you."

"Why did the painter from Boston have trouble making friends? He was way too autistic for his own good."

"I'm commonly known to my friends as ""that nutty guy"" Haha, just kidding. Squirrels can't talk."

"So I was walking down the street when..... Someone threw a block of cheese at me, so I turned and said, that's not very mature!"

"I'm no Dean Martin. I said to this train driver ''I want to go to Paris"". He said ''Eurostar?'' I said, ''I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin''."