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Joke of the Day

"Airport Security: has anyone put anything in your luggage without your knowledge, sir? Sir: How the hell am I supposed to answer that?"

"Why doesn't Santa have any kids? He only comes once a year, and its own the chimney."

"I hate when my congressman emails me to ""take action"" on an issue. Dude, you're the one in congress, you do something."

"Had no idea why my salad was $175, 'til the waiter explained that they only use Beets by Dre."

"[wakes up from coma I went into in 1908] so how many more World Series titles have the Cubs won?"

"[at Chinese restaurant] ""Hi I'll have a large goingon"" -What is goingon? ""Nothing much, just hungry for some Chinese food"""

"I asked God for a bike But I know God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and asked God for forgiveness."

"How do you clear out an Afghani bingo game..? Call B52!!"

"Feel sorry for Julio Cesar tonight. Last time I saw a Brazilian facing this many shots he was jumping a ticket barrier at Stockwell."

"Charities - Because nothing shows how far your 2/month could go than a 100 million advertising campaign."