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Joke of the Day

"Dear lady arguing w/ the clerk over whether or not it is ""good"" champagne: YOU ARE IN A GAS STATION!"

"Tonight I'm gonna party like it's 1999. Get a ride home from my Mom after I make out with some 14-year-olds."

"Remember, if you smoke after sex... ...You're doing it too fast!"

"Mattel has a campaign urging girls to pursue their limitless potential. It's called You Can Be Anything Except A Woman With Barbie's Body."

"religious? why yes i'm very religious, i'm always reading [glances at bible] the beeblay"

"I have the body of a 25 year supermodel... but it takes too much space in my freezer."

"When Vladimir Putin left his home as a teenager he told his dad: ""You are now the man of the house."""

"So a baby seal walks into a club... That's it."

"What's Irish and sits by the pool? Paddy O'Furniture"

"You're the jelly to my burger, the knife to my soup, the glitter to my sushi, and the ketchup to my icecream. My point is, you're worthless."