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Joke of the Day

"Good morning people.....I woke up feeling myself this morning....wait that doesn't sound right. What I meant is I woke up feeling confidant"

"Mechanic: you need a new carburetor Me: you can call it a buretor, I know lots about cars, I'm like you"

"My girlfriend went blind I hear when people lose one sense, it improves their others. Maybe she will improve in her sense of humour."

"Dear 70 year old man with the ponytail: stop it."

"The avengers walk into a bar Except vision. He phased."

"So the waiter said ""The plate is hot"" and I said ""I'll be the judge of that, haha."" Anyhoo, I met a lot of nice people at the burn center."

"I still don't understand how finishing my food is going to save a starving child in Africa."

"What kind of bees give milk? Boo-bees."

"A mexican is on your front lawn bleeding out and calling for help. what do you do? Reload."

"What do you get when you elect Bernie Sander's son as president? A son Bern"