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Joke of the Day

"I wish I had a little robot companion that put his arm out and shook his head at people who tried to talk to me before lunch."

"So, on July 4th, one of the hottest days of the year, we're all going to sit outside of our air-conditioned homes and cook over a fire?"

"Perverts have made it so you can't even park your makeshift surveillance van conspicuously outside girls' college diving team meets anymore."

"Feed a fish to a man, and you have fed him for a day. Feed a man to a fish, and you have appeased Dagon. You have done well. we crawl we rise"

"I'm walking on sunshine, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH and I'm startin' to feel AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THIS IS TERRIBLE"

"If you forget what it's like to talk on a Pay Phone, just lick the handle of a shopping cart"

"LIKE if you remember this: The walk of shame when you have to put something back in a store after your mom says no."

"Why do Computer Scientists always mix up Halloween and Christmas? Because OCT 31 = DEC 25!"

"Art Teacher: The picture of the horse is good but where is the wagon ? Pupil: The horse will draw it !"

"What do you call a city full of neckbeards? M'tropolis"