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Joke of the Day

"It's almost Thanksgiving day... Remember to set all your scales back 10 pounds tonight."

"Watching these people in this commercial, rock climb, scuba dive & live life to the fullest, makes me wish I had genital herpes."

"The first step of any project is to grossly underestimate its complexity and difficulty."

"My wife and I have lost over 150lbs combined!!! ...hustling British casinos wasn't as easy as we'd hoped."

"What does Ebola and US police have in common? A high body count of black people"

"I'm pretty sure the chick at this drive thru had me repeat, 'I'll take a number two', multiple times so she could laugh at me."

"EU wants to congratulate US for their free healthcare.. .. because you did vote for Bernie didn't you?"

"Your LinkedIn says you have a job but your snapchat says otherwise."

"Why are most Hotwheel cars Ford? So people can grow up getting used to pushing a Ford."

"what are you getting your wife for her birthday? a sweater and a dildo... if she doesnt like the sweater, she can go fuck herself"