107318
Joke of the Day
"My shiny watch has had a peaceful life... ...it's always had the time to reflect upon itself."
Next Joke
"Jeff and Don are singing deck the halls.... When they both suddenly die part way through the song. They are reincarnated as ass-less chaps. Jeff looks over and says: ""Don, we now are gay apparel."""
"I've never gotten in a car accident whenever I'm drunk or high. So, statistically, based on the data, I am a worse driver when I'm sober. Now where's my whiskey?"
"Bought some shoes from my drug dealer. idk what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day"
"Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?"
"What is a Norweigan's compact car of choice? A Fjord Fjocus."
"If my kids knew there was a light in the oven, they'd leave that one on too."
"KIDNAPPER: Get in the van ME: Oh no thanks I'm vegetarian KIDNAPPER: Oh okay sorry *drives away* {15min later} KIDNAPPER: Wait a minute, wtf"
"As the programmer was going to the store his wife called out We need a quart of milk and if they have eggs bring me back a dozen. He returns with 3 gallons of milk and says: ""They had eggs."""
"What's the difference between hardware and software? A floppy dick"