107275

Joke of the Day

"I'm holding a latte and a scone while I break into this Audi so people think it's mine and I've locked my keys in it."

"Knock Knock Who's there? Allah Allah Who? ALLAHU ACKBAR!!!! *explosions*"

"My friend tried to sell me a triangular monitor but I knew it was just a pyramid screen."

"My girlfriend's extremely flexible, which comes in handy for sex. I say, ""when do you wanna have sex?"" and she replies ""I'm free whenever""."

"[at funeral] Me: ""I'm sorry your husband died in that boating accident in Venice"" Widow: ""please no.... Me: ""you have my gondolances"""

"No thanks, fantasy football. I already have a fantasy boyfriend, a fantasy sex life & a fantasy bank account. I'm good."

"Why dont Canadian colleges have spring break First , you need spring."

"Next time someone says ""Thanks!"" reply: ""You're welx!"". It's a cool new abbreviation I made up you can use. Make sure to attribute it to me."

"What does a rapist wear to feel sexy? Cologne."

"Sausage and bacon in a frying pan. Sausage says to the bacon: ""It's pretty hot here."" Bacon says: ""Oh my god! A talking sausage !!"""