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Joke of the Day

"So I saw an internet survey the other day... and apparently 99.87% of the population was born on the 1st of January! How very strange!"

"Scott Stapp thinks he's Bono. Six Feet From The Edge."

"Yes I brought my own shot glasses and started a party at my table, but is that really a reason to throw someone out? Worst library ever."

"A hot woman telling me about her boyfriend is like setting money on fire in front of a homeless person."

"When I think of a good tweet in the shower, I run out dripping & naked and post it before the internet ends and it's too late."

"What do you call an Asian guy that always shows up before he needs to? Earl Lee"

"Do you want to hear a Knock Knock joke? Okay, you start it."

"Me:OMG RYAN GOSLING DIED! Oh. His hair. He dyed his hair. Brown. Can U believe that was a story? Husband: I think it worked great. Me:Zip it"

"What's the best thing about having sex with 25 year olds? There's twenty of them."

"I bet a heroin addict could find a needle in a haystack."