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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a hooker with a runny nose? Full"

"""Always bring a nail file, scissors, tweezers, a corkscrew, a toothpick and a bottle opener to a knife fight"" - The Swiss Army"

"[NSFW] What's the difference between a bucket of dead babies and a pile of sex toys? The bucket."

"A super moon is just like a regular moon except Lois Lane doesn't recognize it when it's wearing horn rimmed glasses"

"I went to the doctor and he gave me 2 months to live... I went to the doctor and he gave me 2 months to live. I shot him and the judge gave me 30 years."

"FIFA 16 joke. fifa 16 is going to feature women players for the first time, apparently in the consumables section you will be able to purchase tampons alongside contracts and chemistry styles."

"DATE: dessert? MY BRAIN: im full MY STOMACH: i want food DATE: one piece of chocolate wont hurt MY DOG: THAT MAN IS TRYIMG TO KILL MY OWNER"

"When I'm really bored at work I like to write ""I'm watching you"" on the toilet paper a few squares in just to mess with people."

"Woah!!! You're a much fatter family than the stick figures on your rear window would indicate!"

"Hi, fire department? My cat is in a tree. Television has taught me that this is your problem."