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Joke of the Day

"My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from local zoo."

"I LOVE YOU ... A man was out for a drink with his wife one night and he said, ""I love you"". The wife asked, ""Is that you or the beer talking"" He said, ""It's me........ I'm talking to the beer""!"

"#TT At 14 I yelled, ""You'll NEVER understand Morrissey,dad!!"" and tried to run dramatically out of the room but ran into a wall & fell over."

"Opening a bag of M&M's will produce no sound to a normal human. A toddler, it's like the atomic blast at Nagasaki to those creatures"

"A mushroom walks into a bar... The bartender says, ""We don't serve your kind here!"" And the mushroom says, ""Why not? I'm a fungi!"""

"How do you separate Siamese triplets? WE CUT OUT THE MIDDLEMAN AND PASS THE SAVINGS ALONG TO YOUUUUU!!!"

"Why should you never rendezvous with a pack of wolves? Because they are *meet eaters!*"

"I downloaded ""ambient coffee shop"" track. Just low talking, dish clanking, & one lady yelling ""Finn. Look at mommy. FINN. You want a scone?"""

"Guys, the USA is looking pretty bad... I think its time for USB."

"Whats the difference between a baby and a bag of cocaine? Eric Clapton wouldn't let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window."