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Joke of the Day

"The person sleeping next to you is statistically more likely to murder you than any other person on the entire planet. Do the dishes."

"I've been working with NASCAR on redesigning the track for more variety, but it's tough I just can't seem to get it right"

"My 5 year old set up the lemonade stand all by himself and, while I'm proud of him, I doubt he'll make a lot of sales in the backyard."

"How did the prostitute get promoted? She slept her way to the top!"

"If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?"

"Don't waste electricity. How would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?"

"The name Pavlov rings a bell."

"The cats told me the reason we only have one life is because we're too stupid to handle nine lives. I believe this is true."

"I stuffed some socks in my pants to impress the ladies but it didn't work so I'll try moving the socks to the front of my pants."

"Woman goes to the doctor... Woman goes to the doctor and says, ""Everytime I sneeze I have an orgasam."" The doctor asks, ""What have you been doing for it?"" She replies, ""Snorting pepper."""