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Joke of the Day

"Some people think filling animals with helium is wrong... I don't judge. Whatever floats your goat."

"Throw a baby badger so high that when it lands on your enemy it's fully grown and very upset. You left town years ago. The perfect crime."

"Violets are green, roses are blue... Alright you bastards, who fucked with the hue?"

"Whats the best part about sleeping with a midget? You're sure to get a little head"

"Are you a guitar? Because I want to wrap my hands around your neck."

"Breaking Bad is a horrible influence, making terrible things seem cool. Next thing you know, kids will want to start using flip phones."

"TIL It's not possible to yawn while wearing earphones"

"My wife asked me recently to do something to commemorate our pet dog who got run over and killed last month. So I took a shit on the carpet."

"The sausage principle. If you like something, never find out how it's made."

"Going to the bathroom isn't the problem It's the shit that I have to deal with every day."