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Joke of the Day
"Life is like a box of chocolate... ... it doesn't last very long for fat people."
Next Joke
"Iron Man is a super hero... Iron woman is a command."
"INTERVIEWER: What do you see as your biggest weakness? ME: INTERVIEWER: ME: MY MOTHER: He's not good at speaking up for himself"
"That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, hit a lamp, and kill your mum."
"NSFW What's the difference between foreplay and KFC? Once you're finished with the breasts and thighs, you're left with a greasy box to put your bone in."
"Did you hear about the riot at the bar mitzvah reception? There were mazel tov cocktails everywhere!"
"""Push harder"" I shouted at my wife while she was in labor... ""Screw you"" she screamed back at me. Bit harsh I thought...... it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to the hospital!"
"*Astronaut takes a photo of Earth from space* Earth: ""Delete it."""
"What did they say about the blind man who got hit by a bus? He never saw it coming."
"Starting to carry a clipboard at work just to let folks know I'm not fucking around about shit anymore."