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Joke of the Day

"I lost 20 pounds in England last summer. How much is that in American dollars?"

"I want an app that tells me when someone is thinking about me while having sex with someone else."

"I've had my heart broken before, but I got back up on that horse and said ""C'mon, can't we give us one more chance? Stomp once for yes."""

"What's more fun then swinging a baby on a clothes line? Stopping it with a shovel."

"What kind of superhero would Caitlyn Jenner be? An Ex-Man."

"How is education going to make me smarter?"

"I can see my Uber driver's car is almost out of gas and it's really stressing me out."

"Why doesn't Jesus like M&M's? Because they fall through his hands."

"Who did the dyslexic devil worshipper sell his soul to? Santa"

"DOCTOR TO PATIENT JOKE Patient: Doctor! You've got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say. Doctor: Next please!"