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Joke of the Day

"Joke What did the egg say to the moon"

"14 year old me would be shocked to learn that knowing every word to Billy Joel's 'We didn't start the fire' has done nothing for our career."

"What does an IT guy use for birth control? His personality."

"I sometimes like to close my eyes and imagine a world with no poverty and also that my hand is a woman."

"While I fully intended to ""sleep my way to the top,"" it appears I've napped my way to the middle."

"Hey baby, are you a C major scale? 'Cause you look all natural to me."

"Sometimes I get really stoned and stare at phone and wonder why I pay so much money for a government tracking device."

"Remember that time when you didn't call, & a giraffe round house kicked your neck, & you fell off a merry-go-round & died?nnSo sad. Really."

"Bill Cosby was actually gonna be in a Marvel movie He was gonna play Sandman."

"""Give it to me!"" she yelled ""I'm so fucking wet! Give it to me now!"" ... She could scream all she wanted. I was keeping the umbrella."