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Joke of the Day

"Lower your expectations and I will totally amaze you."

"Wanna hear a joke? My sex life..."

"I just wish God hadn't hidden all of my talents so well."

"What's the difference between Helen Keller and a redneck Helen Keller got famous for not being able to read"

"Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshiper? He sold his soul to santa"

"It is possible to chew and swallow $80 of shrooms in the length of time it takes the cop to walk from his car to yours."

"Guys, I'm quitting Halloween. I'm on the pumpkin patch!"

"speed dating I'm looking for a girl with fire in her eyes. Her: Hi. My name is Carrie."

"its such a weird coincidence that all these young financial successes all have rich parents, despite being completely self-made"

"You know who's a real motherfucker? Oedipus"