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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I'll tell my wife the car is making a weird noise and I need to listen just so I don't have to hear her talk."

"Why is Michael J. Fox better than a vibrator? You never have to buy batteries."

"I don't know why people get so upset about the death penalty It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, after all."

"In marijuana's defense, I'm lazy as shit completely sober too."

"Why did the guy take his time setting up a premature ejaculation support group? He didn't want to go off half cocked."

"The three most important unwritten rules. 1. 2. 3."

"I like my coffee like I like my women. Without a penis"

"A homosexual, a Pedophile and a Priest walk into a bar The bartender asked him what he would like to drink."

"What do you call an albino gorilla? Honkey Kong"

"holy shit imagine a crab bringing you breakfast on a tray like a lil waiter"