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Joke of the Day

"The Past, the Present and the Future Walked into a Bar... It was tense."

"I don't do Botox anymore cause when I can't make my angry face, people just assume it's ok to talk to me."

"I keep a banana in my bathroom It's for scale."

"Why do pandas have black eyes? SHE FELL, DAMNIT! God! What is with all the fucking questions?"

"I bet Metallica gets really upset whenever they walk through a metal detector and it doesn't go off."

"The rest of the world uses Facebook to overthrow evil dictators. I just learned some girl I hated in high school likes her new pedicure."

"LPT: If you're single this weekend, remember... Name your hands and you'll have an instant threesome! Happy Valentine's day!"

"What do a hen house and OP's mom's mouth have in common? They're both more productive with a cock inside. Nsfw"

"I was singing in the gym shower & the girl in the one beside me started singing along & then suddenly my life became this weird, naked duet."

"Cats are perfect for those who want to experience the indifference and hostility of the workplace in a pet."