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Joke of the Day

"Either this balsamic vinegar tastes like red wine or my liquor store really needs an air conditioner."

"I tried to get my mom to switch from AMD to Intel... ...but I couldn't Celeron it."

"Why did the amoeba flunk the math test? Because it multiplied by dividing."

"Me and my wife are into S&M. She sleeps and I masturbate."

"Playboy bunnies are weird. Who decided that women look sexier dressed up as half-human half-rabbit monsters?"

"""Please go to voicemail. Please go to voicemail. Please go to voicemail."" - me making a phone call"

"You know how racist make their pancakes? With white powder."

"BREAKING NEWS: Wikileaks founder Julian Assange to release detailed document on what Willis was talking about."

"I couldn't figure out why my data wasn't coming out like my classmate's, until I realized I dropped a square root in the formula. I put it back in and re-plotted the data. I saw a radical change."

"Why did only 2 Mexicans cross the border? The sign said ""No Trespassing"" (TRES-Passing)"