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Joke of the Day

"I realized taking dogs for walks is basically their way of checking social media. One lap of smells is a newsfeed scroll. Peeing is posting."

"What's green, fuzzy, has four legs and would kill you if it fell out of a tree and landed on you? A pool table"

"Where do cousins come from? Ant holes"

"I remember lying in bed as a kid, waiting for Santa to come... Then there was that awkward silence as he got dressed and left."

"What did the gamer say to the fleeing prisoner? Run! escape!"

"The sign at this gas station says ""turn engine off"" so I catcalled my engine and its cute friend from across the street."

"The people of Iran don't watch The Flintstones... but the people of Abu Dhabi do!"

"TIFU by not taking my ADHD medication. Oh, hey. Check this out! There's a whole nother box for typing stuff."

"I'd slap you but I'm pretty sure they would call it animal cruelty."

"Son : ""Dad, who did I get my intelligence from ?"" Dad : ""It must be from your mother. I still have mine"""