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Joke of the Day

"I just broke up with my girlfriend who had a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone on the side."

"TIL that semantics is a contraction of ""Semite Antics"" That's not true, I made that up just now. You are a racist."

"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive."

"Did you hear about the guy that went to court over a stolen bag? It was a brief case."

"Never trust a screw... ... They might turn on you!"

"Florida is about to release millions of genetically modified mosquitoes. I hope when they bite you they make you drive better."

"I've seen homeless guys who keep their boxes in better shape than some girls keep theirs."

"HER [sits seductively on my lap] The more you tip...the more I'll take off ME [reaches for wallet] This is such a weird way to cut hair"

"A women's logic: Hes nice, but I'd rather date an asshole, try to change him, fail, get my heart broken and preach ""All guys are the same"""

"What's the easiest way to make a million dollars? Invest a billion."