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Joke of the Day

"Daughter saw a photo of me at 18 and asked who the pretty girl was. I told her it was her real mother that died giving birth to her."

"I'm thinking about selling my Theremin. I haven't touched it in years."

"ME: Man, Nosferatu is a good film HIPSTER: I preferred the original M: Original? What original? H: Nosfera One."

"Don't ask God to cure cancer & world poverty. He's too busy finding you a parking space & fixing the weather for your barbecue."

"Frankenstein enters a bodybuilding competition And was promptly left in embarrassment when he realized that he'd severely misunderstood the objective."

"I lost my virginity to a retarded girl I wanted my first night to be special."

"I don't get why everyone told me how great it is to swim with dolphins. I've been stuck in this tuna net for five days."

"Did you guys hear about that crazy thing Trump said at the debate last night? I couldn't believe it. He said ""Ohio is a spectacular place."""

"According to the 2nd law of thermodynamics, when parents relax, children must increase the amount of disorder in the universe to compensate."

"The only thing worse than sitting down on a cold toilet seat is sitting down on a warm toilet seat."