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Joke of the Day
"I thought I found a mass grave of snowmen. Until I realised it was a field of carrots."
Next Joke
"What's the difference between a monster and a mouse? A monster makes bigger holes in the skirting board."
"I'm Not A People Person, Or A Morning Person, Or An Evening Person, Or A Going-Out Person, Or A Staying-In.. I'm Not Even Sure I'm A Person."
"I guess you could say One Direction went two directions. I'll see myself out."
"Justin Bieber, Katy Perry and Adam Levine walk into a bar.. ..and it burns to the ground and it's finally safe to turn the radio back on."
"""Relax. It's not a competition."" ""Right. That's what I say."" ""But I said it first."""
"Professional liars Haven't done an honest days work in their life"
"Are u alright? No I'm half left"
"[Commercial for axes] [A lumberjack swinging a dead goat against a tree in the woods] *Turns to camera* ""There has to be a better way?"""
"I like my coffee like I like my women... Drunk."