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Joke of the Day

"Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. Me: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on."

"What do you call a homeless college student? A philosophy major"

"This might sound crazy, but I have proof the CIA is putting chips in people's brains. I think they're Pringles."

"Why shouldn't you buy underwear made in the Ukraine? Because Chernobyl fallout."

"[Dirty] What do you call a tear in the American flag? An old glory hole."

"What do Saddam Hussein and Little Miss Muffet have in common? They both had kurds in their way. (Curds in their whey.) ***This joke is phonetically superior to its' written version."

"Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the ""no-bell"" prize."

"[car dealership] WIFE: let me do the talking, ur a terrible negotiator SALESMAN: u can drive off with this car for 18k ME: we'll double that"

"I have a test on Islam next period in my World Cultures class... I'm gonna bomb it."

"What do you say when leaving the Periodic Table of Elements' police station? Cu Copper."