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Joke of the Day

"[cats at shelter] Where's Frank? ""Got adopted 3 weeks ago. Gone soft too. Healthcare plan. Hypoallergenic blanket. Goes by Mr. Boots now."""

"Why did the cross eyed teacher quit her job? Because she couldn't control her pupils."

"You know what's really great about being a narcissist? Me."

"Yo mamma is so fat... That she literally ate my dick."

"""Come together, right now, over me."" -Beatles lyrics or gangbang dialogue"

"Keep clam. I'm dyslexic."

"Thought of this joke a few years ago and thought id share it with you beautiful people Why cant bulimics be pitchers in baseball? Because they always throw up"

"[planning heist] LEADER: we can kill the alarm, but how do we get through the concrete wall? *everyone turns to look at the kool-aid man*"

"What ship will never set sail for OP?"

"Whats the difference between an irish wake and an irish wedding??? One less drunk"