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Joke of the Day

"how to tell your girl shes getting fat (actual convo on valentines day with my girl) me-i love fruit, her-i love chips, me- you better start to love fruit or youl love handles"

"Did it hurt? When I subtly insulted you to lower your self esteem in order to make you subconsciously seek my approval because I am a socio"

"You sneeze, and a tiny book titled ""A spiders guide to navigating the human brain"" shoots out your nose. You faintly hear a spider cussing."

"My washer and dryer are doing this weird thing where they've started shrinking my clothes and adding stubborn fat around my midsection"

"Many people think the Romans invented Vaseline That was ancient grease"

"Why did God create the orgasm? So women can moan even when they're happy."

"When I see people jogging outside I like to drive slowly down the road behind them blasting ""Eye of the Tiger"" just to give them motivation."

"Yes, lady who took two parking spaces. I'm the reason you can't get in your car from the drivers side. Have a nice day :)"

"What did the racist cannibal have for breakfast? Nigger-o's"

"I'm not scratching my balls I'm petting my crabs"