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Joke of the Day

"Families are like onions.... Watching them be cut into small pieces will make you cry."

"FDA should require Starbucks baristas/cashiers to be calorie counters. ""Here's change of 50 and that's 1,073 calories of your Venti Frap."""

"I didn't think my son would make a good postman. But he delivered."

"The furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand..."

"Shouldn't the Air and Space museum be empty?"

"What's the difference between a magicians wand and a policeman's baton? A magicians wand is used for cunning stuns."

"Do you want to hear the story about the broken pencil? No? Oh well. There'sno point to it, anyway."

"My phone just autocorrected mornin to Mormon and now it won't stop making macaroni pictures and having sex with multiple phone wives."

"If I ever had to hear ""Margaritaville"" in its entirety I would strangle myself to death."

"Why isn't North Korea democratic? Because Kim Jung Un doesn't want a public erection"