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Joke of the Day

"So we're basically living the plot of ""Contagion,"" but instead of dying girls keep getting bangs."

"Pistorius won't have trouble finding his feet when they jail him, they will be kept in a box next to the door"

"FACEBOOK asks me what I'm thinking, TWITTER asks me what I'm doing, FOURSQUARE asks me where I am. Conclusion: Internet is my girlfriend!"

"What do you call a Mexican melon? A cantelopez! Came up with this on all by myself. I'm a new Dad, so I feel as if I've significantly leveled up my Dad Joke ability."

"What do you call a big irish spider ? Paddy long legs !"

"Pick up line I put the STD in stud, but all I need is you."

"Always buy 'hand wash only' shirts whenever you want to wear something once and then throw it into a 'hand wash only' basket for 15 years."

"Why do you really not want to get pulled over in Ireland? Because the cops are Dublin the fines! (It took me a three hour car ride to come up with this... I am not a clever person)"

"What's a pedophile's favorite musical scale? D minor!"

"New redditter Hey friends, Im new here please treat me with respect. Just tryng to have fun and make friends. <3"