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Joke of the Day

"I asked my local store why they don't round the 99 cent price tags to a dollar They said that there's no cents in the change"

"I'm a simple man *bites a pinecone* I enjoy simple things *tosses a gun into a lake* that's why I decided to let these bees live in my skull"

"Why does a pterodactyl always urinate on the side of the bowl? Because the pee is silent."

"Did you guys hear the one where the Imam joins the priest and rabbi walking into the bar? That's because muslims can't drink."

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friends Inside of a dog, it is warm and moist."

"God: ""Adam looks kind of lonely down there. What should I do?"" Frog: ""ribbit"" God: ""haha, alright man"""

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Some obscure number you've never heard of"

"Every picture I've seen of Neil Patrick Harris the last ten years has been of him adjusting his shirt cuffs. He needs better shirts."

"People often ask me if weed hurts memory I'd tell them but i don't remember."

"What do you call a Woolworths that has been burned down? Coles"