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Joke of the Day

"I found a message in a bottle. It said: ""The girl at the end of the bar is a lot hotter than she was 2 hours ago."""

"Why do cemeteries have fences? Because people are dying to get in."

"When someone says ""No Biggie"", I reply with ""not since 97"" and immediately break down crying"

"I wanted to study metallurgy at University But I didn't get the grades"

"Shutdown Apocalypse Update: Talked to someone today about remaining human when society crumbles. Was told to ""please pull up to the window."""

"Saying, ""I'm sorry,"" is the same as saying, ""I apologize."" Except at a funeral. - Demetri Martin"

"Your mom farted... And the Universe came into being."

"""The best things in life are free."" ~ shoplifters."

"You know, sometimes bad things happen to exactly the right people."

"I'm shocked that not one dairy farmer in Israel has thought to call his company ""Cheeses of Nazareth""!"