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Joke of the Day

"My mom is having a hysterectomy. This is like the time I moved away to college and she tore down my childhood bedroom."

"Did you hear about the special offer at the Mexican carpet store? UNDERLAY UNDERLAY UNDERLAY!!!!!!!!"

"What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves? Christopher Walken. Edited for spelling, even though the guy was a stuffy old turd about it. :D HEYOOO"

"What would be the best color to make a joke about? I was thinking black, but I'm not sure it would work?"

"i saw a license plate yesterday that said 'i miss new york,' so i smashed their window and stole their radio"

"Doctor's appt: doctor checked me for hernia. Oddly replaced typical ""turn your head and cough"" with ""who's my dirty bitch."""

"Friend apologizes for mess. Friend has immaculate house. Open her closet. Out comes 78 books, a piano and a gentleman squirrel in a top hat."

"What did you call beef that didn't make the cut a miSTEAK"

"Ever hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica? It was dreadful."

"[Security breach at Wayne manor] BRUCE: *brooding darkly* ALFRED: The back door is literally just a waterfall"