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Joke of the Day

"My boss has stopped letting me leave early for my son's Little League games ever since he learned he's in his second year of college."

"Long story short, hitler beat me up and has my time machine."

"When to leave your girlfriend? When your wife's clothes start to fit her."

"My grandma bought my grandpa a new pair of pants. When she asked how they fit, he responded ""like a cheap castle. There's no ball room."""

"Vodka isn't the answer to my problems but its worth a shot"

"If you need a fake British pub name for an elaborate lie the formula is Animal+Gardening tool= we had a proper laugh at the Frog&Shovel mate"

"Went to the doctor today. He wanted to know if the laxatives he prescribed worked. I told him it was close, but no cigar."

"How was copper wire invented? Two Armenians were fighting over a Penny."

"My girlfriend just walked in and called me gay... If my nails weren't drying I swear to god..."

"NASCAR is a visualization of how women argue. They keep going in circles. And I sit through both things with the same hope: If I wait long enough, maybe they will crash and burn."