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Joke of the Day

"My son just asked what erectile dysfunction is so I told him it's when your anaconda don't want none regardless of the presence of buns."

"My Girlfriend is leaving me after learning that I spent our life savings on a penis extension. She said that she could not take it any longer."

"Josh tells his friend Steve, 'did you know 2 out of every 3 people live next to a paedophile?' Steve replies 'not me, I live next to two smoking hot 10 years olds'"

"It's actually pretty impressive how many poor decisions I can fit in a day."

"What do you call a retarded kid with no arms and one leg. Names."

"Hollywood led me to believe I would have to do way more heat/AC duct crawling than I've had to do."

"What did Hitler call his favorite piece of furniture? Mein Kampfy Chair"

"Dear makers of Axe 3-in-1 shampoo, conditioner & body wash, I have no desire to buy your crap. I'm holding out until it's also a car wax."

"An angry Hillary storms into Satan's office and yells ""You told me I was going to win!"" Satan looks up from the paper and says, ""Well, you told me you had a soul."""

"WIFE: I just bought toilet paper. How are we out already? ME: *hiding dog that I wrapped up like a mummy* it's a mystery I guess"