101230

Joke of the Day

"If you were my gf, I'd have a warm bath and a meal ready for when you got home every day Her: I'm your wife Like I said, if you were my gf"

"Why do women close their eyes during sex? Because they can't stand to see a man happy."

"I saw a man drinking brake fluid. But then he stopped."

"Those are the whitest teeth I've cum across today."

"What do r/jokes subscribers and Catholic priests have in common? Both think the shorter the better."

"What's the most reliable thing about a Honda? It's theft rate."

"Me: Wow, 5k followers Wife: Is your top tweet still something I said? Me: Ya Wife: Then aren't they really MY followers? Me: *drinks heavily"

"Brain: Compliment her eyes Me: Yeah? Brain: Trust me ""YOUR EYES ARE BLUE LIKE BLUEBERRIES & THEY'RE PROBABLY SQUISHY TOO."" Brain: Perfect!"

"""I will take a nirvana sandwich."" ""One with everything"""

"Here, have my marionette set. ""Cool. How much for it?"" Just take it ""For free? What's the catch?"" No strings attached. ""You son of a bit.."""