100561
Joke of the Day
"One of my ancestors invented the glove Well, he had a hand in it"
Next Joke
"Correlation and causation are used together often, so that must mean that the word ""correlation"" must cause people to use the word ""causation"""
"Cliffhangers I like cliffhangers, and I cannot"
"Me: I only wanted a little mayo! I can't eat this! Him: Does it matter that much? Me: Well, would you like me to stab you a little or a lot?"
"If you cut off my head I'll continue eating for two more days."
"What did the communist say at the beginning of the race? ""On your Marx, get set, go!"""
"[3 AM] 5yo: *sobbing* Daddy Me: Ughhh..yes, sweetheart, what's wrong? 5yo: I'm lonely... Me: Then, don't ever get married. 5yo: Ok, Daddy."
"[On couch, notices it's 6pm] Luckily I don't have to pick up the kids from the Christmas party until 8. *Notices it's February* OH SHIT"
"What's the difference between jokes and dicks? Your mom hates jokes."
"Yo mamma's so fat... that she takes selfies in panorama mode"