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Joke of the Day

"My wife complained the other day, ""Why did God give women periods with cramp pains and men nothing?"" I laughed and said, ""Don't be silly honey, he gave us women."""

"It's very easy to clean yourself to the tune of ""Uptown Funk"". Don't believe me? Just wash."

"Jesus went into an inn. He handed the innkeeper 3 nails and asked, ""Can you put me up for the night?"""

"It is nearly impossible to find an eye doctor on an Alaskan island. They are all optical Aleutians."

"How many birds does it take to change a lightbulb? One can't, but two can."

"MY HOT WIFE: want to go down on me? [three minutes later] *riding my wife down the water slide* YEAHHHH"

"The two hardest things in programming? Naming things, caching things and off-by-one errors!"

"AMA I left the Church of Scientology two weeks ago [Deleted]"

"OBAMA: I want to close Gitmo GOP: no OBAMA: But you haven't even GOP: no OBAMA: ... GOP: no OBAMA: I'm resigning GOP: no OBAMA: haha gotcha"

"Not sure what you have heard, but it actually only rains twice a year in Seattle. October through May, then June through September."