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Joke of the Day

"Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks, ""Do you all want a beer?"" The first logician says, ""I don't know."" The second logician says, ""I don't know."" The third logician says, ""Yes."""

"I can't remember where I parked my car an hour ago but I can recall how stupid I was at 20. Please God erase that memory & bring back my car"

"My friend and I signed up to win a lifetime supply of skin lotion. He won and I didn't The worst part is that he keeps rubbing it in."

"Waiter I'd like a cup of coffee please with no cream. I'm sorry sir but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?"

"I saw a dwarf escaping prison yesterday, and as he was climbing down the outer fence he turned and sneered at me. I thought to myself, that's a little condescending."

"*At store buying school supplies* Son: I need hashtag 2 pencils"

"My wife handed me a mop so I inspected it and said, ""You're good to go, woman!"" and now the mop handle is in a funny place."

"(My favourite joke when I was a kid) Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil."

"Sometimes when my cat is sitting on a chair, I sneak up, shake the chair hard, yelling, ""EARTHQUAKE!"" Sadly, like many, she's not prepared"

"As I was finishing a round of golf during a lightning storm, I was suddenly struck ...by how peaceful my game was with no one else on the course. I should do this more often!"