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Joke of the Day
"Drake Bell needs to call his child Taco."
Next Joke
"*takes load of groceries off of old woman's hands* these are mine now you old prune"
"""will you be paying with cash or credit?"" ""Cash"" *start playing ""ring of fire"" on my kazoo *gets tackled by security*"
"Dishwasher at work is like my girlfriend... It has everything it needs, but still beeps."
"I was just about to go and remind my neighbour to slam all of his car doors as many times as possible in five minutes, but there's no need."
"Between Trump and Clinton, who is more likely to start a nuclear war if elected president? America, with the missiles aimed at ourselves."
"That awesome feeling when you walk in the beat of the song you're listening to."
"Wife ""WHY ARE THERE MUDDY FOOTPRINTS ALL OVER THE HALL?"" [Me while trying to push a zebra up into the attic] Must be that damn dog again..."
"What do Italians do when they're waiting for somthing? They pasta time."
"If you are dating a girl that doesn't like Star Wars... You are looking for love in Alderaan places."