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Joke of the Day

"Why is the pussy slit verticaly and not horizontaly? So it doesn't clap when running."

"On toilet in a stall playin TigerWoods on phone.eagled a par5.Crowd cheered.Pretty sure guy in the next stall thought I just took epic dump"

"No mom, I can't date him. Well he took that which superhero are you quiz and well...*whispers* he got Daredevil."

"Dang girl, are you a zombie? Cuz I'm bringing you back from the dead!"

"What's the difference between you and a dead prostitute? Your job still sucks...."

"What breaks when you give it to a toddler? Their hips."

"Police announced tonight that they wish to interview a man wearing high heels and frilly underwear But the chief inspector said they must wear their normal uniforms."

"Hey Dad did anybody call for me when I was out? ""Yeah some girl named Jenny"" ""Jenny who?"" ""I don't know. Why don't you call her and ask."" ""She leave a number?"" ""Yeah 867-5309"""

"I wasn't going to have a cardiac transplant But then I had a change of heart"

"Fun Christmas Trivia: ""Myrrh"" is the awkward sound you make when you look at your bank balance on Dec 26th."