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Joke of the Day

"If by ""physically fit"" you mean that I am going to physically fit this entire cupcake into my mouth then yes."

"This one time, a work colleague declared The Avengers to be a better film than The Dark Knight. That was a busy day in HR, I can tell you."

"You know a girl is serious when they say your name in a text."

"PEOPLE WITH CHRONICALLY MOIST HANDS: When you have dry lips, rub them on your palms. I call it Lip palm. It's free."

"Josh Gordon sold his first car the other day... (xpost r/nflcirclejerk) it was a beater he sold to Ray Rice."

"Q&A Q: What did Norman Bates call his little sister? (You know you see it coming...) A: Psycho-sis! (I won't let the doorknob hit me on the way out..)"

"Porsche did 911"

"5-year-old: How many pull-ups can you do? Me: 22. Wife: How many with witnesses? Me: Almost 1."

"What do you call a hot indian girl? Bomb bae"

"""If your father asks you to pick up 5 large bags of ice, the best place to put them is in the backyard in direct sun"" ~My son apparently"