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Joke of the Day

"If by ""physically fit"" you mean that I am going to physically fit this entire cupcake into my mouth then yes."

"*wife phones* ""Hi!"" ""Hi! Did you clean the house?"" ""Uhh...YUP!"" ""OK, I'm coming home. Need anything?"" ""Yes, about 2 hours."""

"My mate was freaking out today, crying and all. He had no idea how he was going to become the fruit farmer he'd always dreamed of being. I told him to grow a pear."

"Did you hear the one about the dyslexic philosopher with insomnia? He was up all night wondering if there really is a dog. I know it's a dad joke, because it was my dad's favorite joke."

"What's worse than ten dead babies nailed to a tree? One dead baby nailed to ten trees."

"Who do penguins celebrate Hanukkah with? The Icebergs"

"Why do Jews watch porno movies in reverse? Because they like the part where the hooker gives the money back to the guy."

"Somewhere in an alternative universe a girl is kissing a frog hoping it turns back into her charming prince but instead it only turns into the artist formerly known as prince"

"What do doctors hope to see on Christmas Santa-Gauze! I'll see myself out..."

"Im black and crack addict I cant satisfy any of my hoes :("