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Joke of the Day

"I like my women like I like my golf score Mid-eighties and with slight handicap."

"One good thing about graduation is that you get to wear a funny hat that makes your brain look larger than it actually is."

"Look, this is the only body I'll ever have and that is why I'm covering it in a thick layer of fat to protect it."

"What's the worst thing Willie Nelson can tell you while giving you a handjob? I'm not Willie Nelson"

"A pirate walks into the bar with a steering wheel in his pants... The bartender says ""hey, you know you have a steering wheel in your pants?"" the pirate responds ""ARGH! it drives me nuts!"""

"What's a pirate's favorite letter? Ye'd think it was R, but his first love be the C."

"What do you call an epileptic covered in lettuce? A seizure salad."

"This year's the year of the rooster, so I ate chicken. Next year's the year of the dog."

"How's your day been? Grape!"

"Money is really tight this year... My family has decided that we are going to exchange glances for Christmas."