99453

Joke of the Day

"LIFE HACK: give ur next child a normal name ME: are u still mad that ur mother and i named u Life Hack"

"""A gripping tale of love and survival..."" is how one reviewer described me tumbling down the stairs while trying to retrieve a stray M&M."

"Why is a bra singular and panties plural?"

"Don't act like you're serious about getting laid if your outfit is less than 70% leather."

"I see your thesaurus joke and raise you mine. Did you here about the truck full of thesauruses that crashed? Onlookers were shocked, astounded, agape, flabbergasted, and taken aback."

"My Swedish friend asked me to stop making Ikea jokes. Ikea'nt"

"The defendant stood up in the dock and said to the judge ""I dont recognize this court!"" ""Why?"" asked the Judge. ""Because you've had it decorated since the last time I was here."""

"Thank goodness I'm loud and obnoxious all the time, so my family can't blame it on the alcohol."

"If you ever have to go through job applications, throw half of them away randomly You don't want to hire anyone unlucky"

"What do you call a red lemon? a Lenin. ;)"